Ryan Atwood

March Topic - Nightmares

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 22:41:33 GMT

Seth and I decided to go and play at the tables instead of slinging the slot machines. Alright, so I decided and Seth followed, which was okay with me. Besides, I knew how his mind worked. I could play the game; he could count the cards so we’d know which hand to hold and which to fold. I couldn’t help but grin when Seth raked in our winnings. This was too easy and I had the feeling that we should slow down. I glanced around the casino for the girls, but they were probably off, switching slot machines as we sat here in one place. The waitresses were all around and I was about to wave one over so we could get something to drink, but two guys came up. Two big guys and I just frowned. Uhh … were we about to get kicked out? Probably. I felt my pockets for my cell phone so I could call Lucy and let her know that we were about to uh, get kicked out.

“Are you here with Molly Davis and Lucy Silverlake?”

Seth and I exchanged glances and then I sighed because Seth started going on and on about them being 21. That probably wasn’t helping right now – but then again, it didn’t seem to faze them. What was going on?

After they explained that Molly was ill and was waiting for me and Seth to take her back to her room, I wondered for a moment why Lucy wasn’t able to take her back and why … was this happening. I didn’t say anything though, just blindly followed until we were in a room with two chairs in the middle – with restraints.

“Okay, this doesn’t seem – “

I was cut off by a punch to the face and I turned quickly and punched the guy back just as hard. His next hit though put me out cold.

“Ryan, are you ready to go?”

I turned my attention to her, and I couldn’t believe it. It was actually her and she was … alive. Marissa looked back at me with that smile that could always break me into doing whatever she wanted, that could even make me smile myself and all I could do was nod. “Yeah, I’m uh … I’m ready.”

Actually, I was confused. I was just in a casino with Seth and Lucy and Molly and now I was standing outside of Marissa’s house, in front of my jeep and … holding her bags.

Marissa walked over and opened up the back of the jeep so I could put the bags in the back. “Thanks,” I said before putting them in there and shutting the door.

“Listen, Ryan, there’s something I want to tell you.”

I stood there, watching her as she walked over to me and tilted her head. “I’m sorry about this past year, it sucks that we’re … well, you know and now I’m leaving to go help my dad.”

I found myself shaking my head and pulling her close to me. “I’m sorry too and hey … we’ll see each other. Everything is going to be fine,” I reassured her. I held on just a little bit longer. I never realized how much I missed her until this one moment and I didn’t want to let it go, even if it wasn’t real. Everything felt so familiar like nothing ever happened. Like no time had passed. It felt safe. But all of this was just a fabrication. Sometimes I dreamed about her, so this was it. Just a dream and in the morning, I’d wake up and it would all be over. I was done living like this, but she was always there, haunting me.

“Well, we better hurry up before I miss my plane,” she said a little too happily and I just got into the driver’s seat. Next thing we were both on the highway, heading to the airport. She reached over, holding my hand and I just looked at her for a second before holding her hand back.

“I’m going to miss you. You never talk to me anymore.”

I frowned at that, but just kept my eyes on the road. Suddenly, I was feeling a little uncomfortable, but it was just nerves, it was Marissa, she had me in knots all the time. It was normal.

“You don’t see me anymore.”

“You didn’t want to be seen,” I said to her suddenly and looked at her. The next thing that happened was a case of déjà vu that I never wanted to think about again. We got slammed from behind and we both got shoved forward so hard that my chest hit the steering wheel and the wind got knocked from me.

“What is that?!”

Swallowing hard, I sped up, but no matter how low I pushed on the gas the truck behind us kept on, not slowing down a bit until it hit us again.

“Don’t let this happen, Ryan. Please.”

“Trying,” was all I could say and I sped up some more and I noticed that now the truck was coming up on our side – only it wasn’t a truck. It was a jeep; the same jeep that I was driving.

“Ryan! Stop!”

I looked over suddenly and stared into eyes that were just like mine.

He had a blank stare on his face as he jerked the jeep into us once, then twice before we went over, the jeep rolling over a cliff and onto the other side. My body banged against the side of the jeep and suddenly, everything just stopped. I could hear tires squealing to a halt and as I turned my head over, I saw the jeep speed off until it wasn’t there anymore.

“Marissa,” I breathed out, but everything was shaky and tight and eventually, it was hard to breath. Reaching over, I tried to pull her toward me to get out, but it was too late. Everything went black. Everything was over.

Feb Topic - It's a War by Chandelle

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 03:33:21 GMT

I sat there looking at the computer screen wondering what had just happened. Lucy didn’t want me to come and get her and she wasn’t going to back down from this fight that I could probably never understand. I understood that she was a Slayer, but still – this was life and death and the thought of never seeing her again just made every part of me ache. When I got to LA, I wasn’t looking for anyone, I didn’t want anyone and I wanted to be left alone, but then Lucy came along and it took some time, and now I was glad that she was in my life and I didn’t want anyone of that to change. Her going into battle, willingly knowing that she could die didn’t sit right with me.

Growing up, there were times when I had to fight. Mom’s boyfriends, people at school, even people on the street who thought that I had nothing in me and I remembered when I was younger that if I didn’t stand up for myself that no one else will and I had to fight.

This was different though.

After hearing about the other Slayers over and over from Seth and me having to calm him down, I started thinking about the fact that I’d never see Lucy again. I tried over and over for her to not go, but in the end, I couldn’t find a reason, I couldn’t make her stay. Nothing that I could say or do would change her mind.

When I lost Marissa, it was an accident. She wasn’t looking to die. She thought she was going to live forever – I thought she’d live forever. When she was with me, she felt safe and I wanted that for her. I was the one that always saved her in some way or another and I failed. She died in my arms. I couldn’t save her.

Somewhere in my head, I knew that Lucy wasn’t looking forward to dying. She wasn’t looking forward to our last conversation being our actual last, or her finally seeing her sister being all for nothing, but I just knew that deep down inside of me, that I had to be there with her. I couldn’t let her go.

I disappeared into my room, getting changed, not really sure what I was getting myself into and knowing that I probably didn’t have a chance against this. These weren’t kids that picked on me at school and they weren’t drunk ex-boyfriends of my mother’s. They weren’t Volchok.

I had nothing to offer this fight except me being there and I wasn’t going to let myself just sit and wait and it out – wait to hear if Lucy died or not, or wait to hear what was going to happen. I needed to be there, with her. So that’s what I did. It was probably stupid. Just as much as Lucy could die, my chances were greater, and yeah, no. This was what I needed to do.

I’m just a guy without the superpower’s but I can still pack a punch and I’m going to be there with my girlfriend every step of the way. That’s just what I do.

Once I figured out where everything was, I headed there, as fast as I could, which in fact, didn’t take me too long once I got off the main highway. What was in front of me though – I never would have imagined. Pulling up, my mouth just dropped open. What the hell was I walking into? What the hell was Lucy doing? Would I even find her? I slammed on the breaks and just as quickly as I did that, I turned the truck off and I was out there, running towards this fight. If it was something that someone told me, I would have never believed it. By being with Lucy though, I came to know what demons look like and this was definitely them. All over the place, many were already dead where they laid. Swallowing hard, I pushed myself inside of this big fight, yelling for Lucy. A demon jumped in front of me and I didn’t think about it, I just punched and kept on going.

I caught a glimpse of her, and I yelled again, “Lucy!”

The only thought that I had was that she wasn’t dead and how glad I was.

Running toward her, my eyes were wide when she started fighting another demon and then she was on the ground, blood all over the place. My heart dropped and I moved faster and it was like everything was in slow motion. Not thinking about it, I reached up and with everything, hit the demon as hard as I could and it wasn’t focused on Lucy anymore.

“Yeah, come on,” I warned. The adrenaline that was running through my body was like a drug and right now, I probably couldn’t feel a damn thing.

Lucy was up and a few minutes later, the demon was dead. I just looked at her. But she was looking beyond me and it wasn’t long until I figured out who she was looking at.

Molly.

We both ran to her and while Lucy took care of the demon, I knelt beside Molly who wasn’t looking too well. She wanted to move her, but I wasn’t too sure. There could have been something that we couldn’t see, but looking around among the chaos, we didn’t have a choice. We both got her up and away and once we let her down, I ripped my sleeves off of my shirt and gave one to Lucy before we both tied them around her injuries, just trying to make all of this blood stop.

“We have to get out of here,” I said. “My truck is right over there,” I pointed. On three, we both had her up and as quickly as we could, got her into the backseat of the SUV. Lucy got in the back with her while I jumped in the front practically and we were out of there. I kept on looking back and wondered if I should call Seth.

“Lucy, give me your radio.”

She tossed it up and over the seat and there it sat. I kept on driving though because that was a call that I dreaded to make.

“We’re almost there.”

Carefully, I pulled into the hospital’s drive up where the sign Emergency Room lit up overhead. Coming to a stop, I got out of the car and ran inside.

“I need help!” I yelled and from a look one of the nurses gave me when she saw the blood, she hurried to the desk and paged doctor’s. I ran back out and Lucy was already trying to get Molly out of the truck. I helped her the rest of the way. “They’re coming to get her,” I said, looking at Lucy before looking at Molly. “You’re going to be alright,” I promised.

The next thing we all knew, a doctor and three nurses came running out with a stretcher and immediately took over by getting Molly on the stretcher and then rushing her inside. I looked at Lucy, breathing hard as she was and walked over to her. “Are you sure you’re alright,” I said, as calmly as I could while looking her over before reaching up and touching her hair.

“Seth.”

I needed to call him. I reached out and opened the passenger side door and reached in and grabbed the radio. Taking a deep breath, I just looked at Lucy and pressed the button.

“Seth? It’s Ryan.”

I let go of the button and waited for him to beep back. It wasn’t even two seconds later when he did.

“Yeah, it’s uh … Molly’s hurt. Bad. Lucy and I brought her to the ER. We’re outside. You need to come. Now.”

Lucy! (Locked to Lucy)

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 21:00:50 GMT

Hey, I uh, yeah, heard what was going down and ... please don't do it. Just ... don't ok? I'm coming to get you.

HAHA OK.

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 20:59:23 GMT

This thread is reserved for Ryan/Seth quality time. Ok? ok.

Jan '08 Topic - Drama!

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 02:51:23 GMT

I didn’t know what I was going to tell Lucy. Her sister was alive and living with Kennedy? That was if her sister was still there. Helena didn’t want to see Lucy because she didn’t want to be a burden on her. It was a situation that I knew that I never wanted to be in and hopefully – I wouldn’t be. These days though, I never knew what was going to happen. Even though Helena didn’t want us to tell Lucy that she was back, I couldn’t make a promise to do that. I had to tell Lucy. I felt that Lucy had a right to know.

It seemed that right after the snow had stopped falling, I was out of that house and trying to find Lucy. My phone wasn’t working still and even at my apartment, the mainline wasn’t working. I even tried going up to the school, but she wasn’t there. I waited outside for a half hour, but still nothing.

I was actually starting to get worried.

Later that night, I called her again and this time she picked up.

“Are you alright?” I asked her as I headed out of my apartment and toward my jeep. She was fine, and she was in her room. I wondered if Molly already told her. It wouldn’t surprise me considering they were best friends, but she wasn’t acting as if she knew. At least I didn’t think so.

“I need to talk to you. I’m heading toward your place …”

(Open to Lucy)

December Topic: He who angers you, conquers you -Elizabeth Kenny

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 01:53:11 GMT

She wasn't picking up her phone. I wasn't exactly sure if I should be upset about that. I shouldn't. She's probably ... doing things. Frowning, I picked up my phone again and called her back.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

"Hey this is Luc--"

I hung up the phone. Was she avoiding me? No, that couldn't be it. Looking around the empty room, I wondered what Seth was doing. He was probably with Molly. A girl who knows how to pick up her phone. I looked at the clock and realized it was too early for her to go slaying. I was getting bent out of shape for her ... just wondering where she is. It shouldn't drive me crazy. With a sigh, I decided to leave. Maybe she was up at that club the other slayers like to go to. Grabbing my jacket, I headed out the front door.

I parked the car and headed inside. Loud music filled my ears as I pushed my way past alot of people to head to the bar, where she usually sat with Molly. Looking around though, I scanned the crowd just in case and when I turned my head back toward the direction of the bar, I saw her there.

Except she wasn't alone, and it wasn't Molly who was with her.

I felt everything in my body tense up, my hand balled into a fist as everything came back, so hard as if I was punched in the chest and I couldn't breathe.

Volcheck.

Without a second thought, I rushed past the rest of the body's that were seperating me from her, not hesitating as I grabbed his shoulder's, swinging him back so he fell off the barstool and onto the ground. Leaning down, I punched him hard in the face and I was about to get another one in until I flung back, my back hitting the bar and I looked at Lucy who was visably upset with me.

How ... I mean ...

Swallowing hard, I glared at him again. He smirked at me and I went for him again.

November Topic - Silence

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 03:34:30 GMT

Silence is my best friend. I enjoy sitting there in silence because it gives me a time to reflect and think and put things in order. It’s my time to just sit there and chill and just be by myself. I’d rather be by myself anyway, or I used to. Ever since Lucy came in the picture, I seem to want to be with her all the time, but when we’re together, sometimes it is silent. That’s okay though. We really don’t have much to say, at least we didn’t in the beginning of our relationship, but when it’s silent, it’s just a time to collect thoughts. It’s like a second home to me. A lot of people think I’m the most quiet person anyone would ever meet and they’re right. I don’t need words most of the time and Lucy and I don’t need words either and it makes it that much more … well, good. Easier for me because it’s hard for me to find the right words to say to her or anyone else.

Slowly but surely, I am getting there; I should already know how but it’s just easier for me to just nod and … think rather than say the wrong thing and mess everything up. Messing stuff up is something that I really don’t want to do, not now.

October Topic - Trick or Treat

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 03:26:15 GMT

[locked against everyone!]

So, this Halloween holiday is coming up. And I don’t dress up. Ever. I mean, I don’t like to and for the most part, I don’t. Lucy had this whole thing planned out and I just … I couldn’t do it. I don’t see myself dressing up and … I mean, it took me forever to get into a tux and suit when I lived in Newport, so dressing up in some costume isn’t exactly my idea of a fun time. I remember dressing up when I was younger, when I was a kid. When it was fun. Now, I just don’t really see the point in it. But, Lucy wasn’t having it. And then I got nervous, really, really nervous.

Instead of dressing up in some ridiculous costume, we compromised and she came up with an even better idea. Well, not better because I have to dress up and pretend to be someone else, but … I think I could pull it off. Maybe. No, no, I can’t. What the hell am I doing? I can’t do *that*. Well, it might be fun. And Lucy really wants me to. I’m just going to … feel like an idiot the whole time.

Lucy wants us to dress up like Seth and Molly. She wants us to act like Seth … and Molly. Erm, her being Molly, obviously and me being Seth. I don’t know, it seems … okay, I guess. I just don’t get why we have to dress up at all, but apparently, she’s really into that sort of thing. I remember when I was with Marissa, she was into a lot of things, going places, being out there and in the light and I was so focused on being in the shadows and watching, not acting on anything. I don’t know, I guess I’m scared in a way that if I’m not involved … that if I don’t give myself away and open up myself more, I’ll be alone again. Which is fine, but at this point, I really like Lucy and if I have to dress up and act like an idiot all night (sorry, Seth) then that’s what I’ll do.

And I’ll try to have fun. Yeah, no … uh … yeah. Halloween is going to be interesting to say the least. I hope Lucy is happy.

[unlocked]

September / Trust

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 06:05:21 GMT

His father left him behind. His mother chose her boyfriend of the week over him. Most of the time, he was alone, leaving him to fend for himself, often getting him into trouble. He didn’t have anyone to trust, he didn’t even associate that word with anything or anyone he knew. It just didn’t exist. Even when the Cohen’s took him in, he was suspicious, yet hopeful that he could stay. He was kicked out only to eventually return and years went by and he was still welcomed. They wanted him. Someone wanted him. Even after all of these years, it’s hard for him to find trust in anything, he’s always looking for the bad side of things; in the end, it will hurt less if he doesn’t put his all into something, or someone. He succeeded with the Cohen’s. He knows no matter what, they’ll be there for him. Now he has to try with Lucy.

Ryan doesn’t know what she’s all about. They rarely talk, mostly when they’re together, it’s just comfortable silence. He opened up about Marissa and his life in Newport. Lucy now knows about his mother and his father and his reasons for leaving the Cohen’s behind and moving to LA. She knows the basics about him, but she doesn’t know all of him like he doesn’t know anything about her.

But he wants to so badly.

Lucy told him that she was a vampire slayer. He lied and said he believed her because he didn’t want her to leave. He wants so desperately to hold onto something because it’s been so long and now he’s holding on and never letting go. But, she’ll never know that. No one will ever know that.

Seth told him that what Lucy claims to be is the truth. The truth is in front of him. The school, the bruises she often has that he’s questioned before and the shady ‘vampire’ that’s her teacher. It took Seth and his confirmation for him to believe Lucy and everything she said. It’s all so confusing for him, he wants it all with her, but he doesn’t put anything past her. She could tell him anything at this point, and he’ll still be there, wanting more. Things will change. But for now, he’ll pretend.

August Topic - Hallelujah ...

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 23:43:39 GMT

Not a day goes by that he doesn’t think about her. She appears in his head and she stays longer than he wants her to. He tries to move on, but he doesn’t really know how. He tried getting out of Newport, which he did successfully and proceeded to live a life of solitude. He didn’t want anyone around him, he didn’t want to care anymore. If it was only Ryan, then there was no saving anyone else and he didn’t really care if he was saved. That was though, until he met Lucy.

Lucy isn’t like anyone he’s met before and he knows that he’ll never know her completely, just as he hopes that Lucy never knows him completely. He only tells her what he wants to and she does the same with him. They are the same people and it frightens Ryan sometimes because usually it’s just him on his own, with his own thoughts that no one would ever understand. In a way, not even Seth and Seth was his best friend for years.

Ryan and Lucy could just walk and not say a word. It was comfortable, but now as the weeks are passing, he knows she’s searching for more and he doesn’t know how to give it to her. In a way, he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to go through it all over again because as he knows it, there is no happy ending, with anyone. Something always happens that messes it all up and usually he has something to do with it.

He is curious though and fights back the urge to ask about her more and when he does want to, that’s when Marissa comes into view and his mind is somewhere else. When Lucy asks him about it, he tells her a little, but that’s it. Just enough to get by and he wants to kick himself for it because he could tell her so much more. Everything’s all built up and he knows that probably one day it’ll all come out and she won’t want anything to do with him.

Maybe he’s okay with that.

FM July Topic - Therapy

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 03:50:10 GMT

I never expected her to call. Lucy, that is. I met her at that party that was uh … at some house and we hung out for a little bit. Talked or … just stared at each other for most of the night. Then I left, not really thinking I’d ever see her again. I mean, yeah, I gave her my cell number, but I didn’t think she’d use it and I wasn’t waiting around for her call. Anyway, she called and I went and got her. She looked … miserable and alone and I never asked what was wrong. She ended up coming back to my place, which isn’t really place, just … a hole in the wall, I guess, but she must have felt safe or else she wouldn’t have fallen asleep on the couch. I just sat in the chair for an hour or two, watching her, wondering what could be bothering her. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t help it, it’s just who I am.

A couple of nights ago at the party, I thought something was wrong and I went and punched some guy who was just playing around with her. I act before I think and even if I do have time to think about something, I never do because I’m more of a doer, than a thinker. Obviously. I guess anyone who knows me could say that. I have took it down a notch or two though, I would say.

While she slept, I watched her, just trying to grasp what could be wrong with her and hey, I may never know, or I might. All I know is that she cried on my shoulder and I surprised myself by not demanding what was wrong, but this was different than all of those other times in Newport with … The silence was fine. It was … needed and I was more than okay with that.

I think that I’m going to stay in touch with Lucy. I think in a lot of ways, we’re the same person, which is scary because I wouldn’t know that for sure, but I just know that there’s something there that we could just sit in a room and not say a word and everything would be fine for that hour, or day, or whatever it was. Knowing what to expect and knowing that you don’t have to explain anything. It’s therapy in itself and for me, that’s the best kind.

There's gonna be a fight

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 00:41:13 GMT

I knew I should have left the party once Lucy walked away, but something told me to stay. Regretting it, horribly now because for one, I didn’t know anyone and two … that’s just it. I didn’t know anyone, these people were crazy and for some reason, I just kept on staying. At least there was alcohol. And I hated to drink but right now, it was a lovely escape from everything that was going on in my life. Marrisa, Volchok and every other thing that was plaguing my mind at the moment. I also picked up smoking again. It’s just things that I’m doing, I’m not proud of, but I can’t seem to change. I’m not that kid anymore. I’m not the kid who lives in a fancy house, drives a fancy car and goes to a nice school. The reality is the fact that my girlfriend died in my arms, her killer is still out there and I’m all alone on this.

Well, not exactly alone right now, seeing as there’s nothing but girls running around and eh, a few guys, but mostly girls around this big house on the beach. Hmm, almost does feel like home in a sense.

“Oh, uh, sorry,” I mumbled as I made my through the crowd and accidently bumped into someone. Glancing around the living room, I searched for Lucy. She went off suddenly and I had already checked the beach, but she wasn’t there. Maybe she left?

Probably.

I made my way to the kitchen and I grabbed a beer. Standing there, I took a sip and noticed her in the dining area with a couple of guys and her friends. I saw … Molly, I think her name was. Lucy had a pretty smile, yeah, uh, a lot of her was pretty. Not that I was interested because I wasn’t, I was just … stating the obvious. Yeah, the whole uh, saving the pretty girl thing is done with. From now on, I’m just saving myself.

Watching as she threw a cup on the blonde guy and giggled, I took a step forward when he pushed her into the table and leaned over her. Her friends were still giggling, so I stopped walking. Was this her boyfriend?

I frowned and started to turn around until I heard her shove him off and he went for her again, this time, throwing something on her.

Okay, that was it. I drank down some more of my beer and then held it by the longneck as I walked over there.

(Spike, Lucy)

(Archive) The Party

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 01:44:23 GMT

I didn't know why I was going to some party. Actually, the last thing that I wanted to do was party. I was much more content in being alone in the small room that I was renting in the bar, but yeah, no, I guess it was time that I just ... went somewhere. Somewhere that didn't involve me searching for Volchok. I had my reasons for staying where I was, for not going home, wherever that was. I didn't even know. It wasn't the cozy Newport house that I had been living in for the last three years. It was much darker than that and ... yeah, I wasn't going back anytime soon, no matter how much Seth begged me.

So, here I was, waiting outside of a party, behind the mass of people who were all waiting to get inside. Once the doors were open, they all piled in and I just shook my head. It wasn't like I had remembered it. The party life.

I looked around, once I was basically the only person outside and gave it a second thought if I even wanted to go in.

Maybe I just needed a distraction.

Yeah, that's what I needed, wanted, whatever because in the next minute, I was inside, closing the door behind me and glancing around at all the people. People I didn't know.

"Yeah ..." I breathed out and nodded. Five bucks says I get into a fight tonight. It wouldn't be a party without that happening, now would it? I was welcoming that idea right now, actually. I just didn't care anymore.

Rest of the thread here.

Fandom Muses App -

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 01:23:58 GMT

Home.

Yeah, he didn’t have one of those anymore and the small room in the back of a bar didn’t even come close to being home, but it was something for him. It was a space that was his where he didn’t have to remember anything that had happened for the last three years. To him, those three years are gone as if it never happened. The once open and cozy pool house was now just a distant memory of something that he knew he’d never have again and he was fine with that. It didn’t matter.

Now he spends his days working at the bar, serving up drinks to the town drunks that roamed in and out of the building, but when the sun fell, he was looking for a fight. Because yeah, during the day, he’d forget about what happened, he was busy, but at night when he was alone with his thoughts, that was it. All he could see was her and then he’d feel the pain in his chest and the lump in his throat and he just wanted to bash someone’s head in.

Night after night, he’d fight and either walk away from it all feeling relieved or he’d be laying in the street, still relieved that it was a different kind of pain that he was feeling, even for the moment. A home isn’t just a house, a home is somewhere where you belong and for the moment, for the now, blood, pain and tears was all the home that he needed.

Muse: Ryan Atwood
Fandom: The OC
Words: 258

So yeah, my name is Ryan and I’m eighteen years old and I’m pretty much on the run from myself mostly. I grew up in Chino, California, but have been living in Newport Beach with my friend Seth and his parents up until recently. I had gotten into trouble in Chino and my mother kicked me out, so I left and well, Seth’s father was my lawyer and he came and got me and eventually, I moved in. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t know where I’d be right now, probably dead, but at this point, I would pretty much welcome it.

For the last three years, I’ve been through so much and I had finally had enough. When Marissa died, I just left and I never want to look back. Now I’m working at a bar and living in a small apartment. At night, I cage fight. Yeah, seems crazy, I guess but yeah, no, there’s a point to all of it and even if most don’t understand, I understand it all too well. I’m just waiting for the night that some guy is going to knock me out and I’ll never wake up again because feeling the pain from Marissa’s death, not being able to help her after the last three years of doing nothing but … it’s devastating.

I wasn’t able to save her.

Now, I really don’t care what happens to me to be honest and I know that Seth has been coming by. I don’t know how he know’s I’m here, but everytime he comes by, I leave. I just can’t deal with him or them right now. I need to do what’s right for me and being back in Newport Beach, surrounded by people who are going to feel sorry for me … it’s not what I need. I need to forget. Forget or well, die but whichever one will come first, I don’t mind. Just as long as it’s all over.

Muse: Ryan Atwood
Fandom: The OC
Words: 329